Only child…syndrome?

but I think I am one of the few that is choosing not to have anymore kids.

I hear a lot of people, oh, you’ll change your mind when you meet someone. The things is, I really don’t think so. I LOVE my daughter…like more than anyone could imagine loving anyone. But why does it translate when I say I don’t want any more kids to someone, they think…oh or even look like, Ohhhhh. You’re not the mom type eh?

Seriously?! I love children…I do. Once upon a time, I wanted two or three of my own. But then I did become a mom and I realized just exactly what goes into parenting and raising a child. Being a mom is a full time, 24/7 job- not one you take a vacation from or can hit the snooze button on and call in sick. If your baby needs something, no matter what, you do it. Life got you down? Oh well… there is another little human that you choose to bring into this world relying on you. As many parents out there are doing, I am working to make sure everything gets paid for. So take all that time a kid needs with their parents and jam it into 2-3 hrs a night, and you got one exhausted mom.

Also- money. Kids require money, and LOTS of it. From the second they are born (cribs, bedding, clothes, diapers, formula or pumps, bottles, etc…) through childhood (clothes, books, shoes, school expenses, day care, after school activities, outings, food) til they fly away to college, and then it’s tuition, books, trips home, helping them get the education you dreamed of them getting their whole life….theoretically that’s when you get to sit back and watch your kids live the life you have always for them…but what if they want grad school? what if you want to help them out after struggling in college? I want to provide my daughter with as much as I possibly can. In not only my money, but my time and undivided attention. I want her to actually have me be there for her whenever and however she needs me, and I fully recognize that I would not be able to with another child.

So why is it that since I put sincere thought into this, am I called selfish or looked down on? Or worst yet, people tell me that I am doing a disservice to my daughter and she will end up bratty, spoiled brat? Or that she is missing out and be lonely all the time? Now, I am the oldest of three. I love my younger siblings and no, I do not believe I would be the person I am today had I not had them. However, I do not believe I would have been lonely by myself. I had a great imagination, and my sister and I are SO different, I kinda did play alone anyway. My brother was almost 9 yrs younger, and when he got to the playing age, I was way past it…so we kinda all were playing solo.

That is why I liked this article on Time Magazine’s website called “The Only Child: Debunking the Myths“. New studies are showing that actually, my way of thinking is becoming more and more the norm, AND only children are thriving, rather than suffer loneliness and getting too spoiled.

An excerpt from the article:

“There’s no question that only children are highly indulged and highly protected,” he tells me. But that doesn’t mean the stereotype is true, he says, at least not based on his four decades of seeing singletons — both kids and adults — unburden themselves in his office. “You’ve been given more attention and nurturing to develop yourself. But that’s not the same thing as being selfish. On balance, that level of parental involvement is a good thing. All that attention is the energy for your self-esteem and achievement.”

What is your opinion? Are you an only or have a few siblings? What about your plans for kids? Now I am off, gonna make copies of this article and have it in my purse anytime anyone ever gives me that “oh my god, no more kids” look, I will shive it in their face say HA! ;-)

Comments

  1. says

    I meant to comment on this when I first read it. You are looking at a one child family too. I loved that Times Article (actually read it in my doc's office) and its so nice to have proof that only children don't necessarily have to end up as spoiled brats :)

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