Meh-wedge, do you Princess Buttercup…
Growing up, my picture of marriage was all based on movies and my grandparents. My mom never married my father, nor my “stepfather” (although they were common law) and even now she still hasn’t married her boyfriend of like 15-16 years. My grandparents, in contrast, were married 53 years when my grandfather passed, and my grandmother still wears her wedding ring…almost 7 years after his passing. My grandparents gave me a good look at marriage in the long run but movies gave me all these ideas about how, when and who to fall in love with, and once I was in love and married, everything was supposed to be just peachy.
I learned very quickly with Joe just how hard marriage was/is, especially in those first years and even more once we were trying to figure out how to be a couple and how to raise a somewhat well adjusted child. It ain’t peachy at all. I know his mental illness issues make ours just a tad bit more difficult, but then again, no one really talks about the bad parts of their marriage until it gets really bad, so maybe we’re more common than I think.
I say this because I’ve learned some issues with some friends of mine and I feel sad that they didn’t say anything sooner. I know the loneliness and stress that comes from keeping these issues and feelings buried inside. You put on a face for the world- for your kids, your family, your coworkers but inside you are screaming until one day it becomes to much and then it all crumbles down around you.
In marriage you take each other “In Sickness and In Health” because you commit to just love each other. In friendship, we don’t have any vows, but I have to wonder if we should. When Joe and I are in a rut, I want to be able to talk it out with someone who can see it with different eyes. In turn, I want to lend my shoulder or some advice to any friend of mine who is going through a rough spot. Why are we, women especially, trying so hard to hold it all in…all the time.
It’s OK to break. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to not have a picture perfect life. Take a chance and tell a friend. They may surprise you.